I Give You A Hamburger
by addledwalrus
Summary: This story is based on Cuil Theory, which you will have to look up before you read.


It was a pleasant Saturday afternoon and America was sitting on a park bench with Canada, when his stomach began to rumble. He figured that it was time for lunch and turned to ask his brother a question.

"Hey, could you get me a hamburger?"

Canada blinked at America for a split second before smiling. "Sure," He replied, as he produced a large paper bag out of seemingly nowhere. He reached inside it, pulled out a struggling raccoon, and tossed the animal on to America's lap.

America stared at the raccoon that was scratching his legs than stared at Canada in disbelief.

"Bro, I said I wanted a hamburger, not a raccoon!"

As soon as America said that however, Canada simply vanished. Where he once stood, there was now a picture of a hamburger resting on the ground.

"Bro! Where did you go?!" America yelled in panic, standing up from the park bench. He looked all around for a sign of his brother, but there was none. He than bent over and picked up the picture of the hamburger, staring deep into it and finding himself slipping away.

* * *

America woke up in his bed and sat up, stretching his arms and yawning. He rubbed his tired eyes and gazed ahead, trying to keep them open when he noticed at the corner of his scope of vision, that something seemed unusual. He shifted his head to the right and saw his reflection in the mirror.

Instead of a tall, blond young man he saw a hamburger looking back at him. Only hamburgers didn't have eyes, so how he could even be able to see what was around him?

It was all extremely mind-boggling and horrific, and America opened his mouth to scream, only to have special sauce spurt out from where his lips would have been. The whole room turned sepia, as if he were suddenly in some vintage film.

* * *

The next moment, America was back on the park bench next to Canada. Everything seemed just as it were supposed to be, and he turned to his brother with a look of relief on his face.

"You won't believe the weird dream I just had..." He said, but then paused in confusion. He was pretty sure the words that had formed in his mind were in English, yet without even thinking, he had spoken to Canada in German.

"Really? What happened in it?" Canada asked, also speaking in German to America.

"Um, bro...why are we speaking in German?"

Canada didn't answer. Instead, he tapped on America's shoulder frantically and pointed ahead, as if he were seeing some immensely shocking event unfold before him. America looked in the direction he was pointing.

France sat a few metres in front of them, wearing a flamboyantly bright costume and with his face painted as if he were a mime artist. In his lap he cradled a young calf, which he stroked gently while crying softly to himself.

This was weird. In all the time that America had known France, he had never seen the older man behave or dress in such a way as he was doing now. He was about to ask the Frenchman what he was even doing in the first place, when Canada spoke up.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about him if I were you. He does things like that sometimes." Canada said reassuringly. "What I would worry about though, is England. He's standing right behind you."

America turned around and saw England staring menacingly at him from behind the bench. Something was different about the Brit's usual demeanour. England usually had a grumpy, albeit non-threatening look on his face. Now however, England seemed to have a genuine killer intent in his eyes, that made America shrink slightly in fear.

At that moment, France's crying abruptly ceased and the noise of the young calf could no longer be heard. America turned back to where the Frenchman was sitting.

France met eyes with America, tears now gushing down his face and turning his make up into an unsightly mess. Where the young calf once lay, were now dozens and dozens of patties scattered all around. America had never seen the Frenchman look more miserable in his life.

"Canada! What the hell is going on?!" America screamed, unable to cope with the distressing sight. To his even greater shock though, Canada was now lying on the ground with pickles where his eyes should have been, and humming some heavenly sounding tune.

It was the most beautiful sound that America had ever heard and the melody soon lulled him to sleep, despite the craziness that was going on.

* * *

"Hey, bro..." America said wearily to Canada as he made his way down the staircase. He was too exhausted to even question why the northern nation was in his kitchen this morning and the smell of frying beef didn't help matters much either.

"What are you making?" America asked as he came over to Canada's side and looked into the frying pan.

"A hamburger." Canada replied.

"Cool. Could you make me one too? I'm starving."

"Sure."

Some time later, Canada set two plates down on the table, each containing a single hamburger. America picked his one up first and took a bite. His eye twitched involuntarily.

Meanwhile in Northern Europe, Sweden fell down some stairs and suffered a concussion, before passing out.

America swallowed and looked down at his hamburger. Canada pushed his plate towards him.

"Here, have mine. I'm not really that hungry."

Something about the way Canada had just spoken sent a chill down America's spine. He swallowed and once again looked at the hamburger in his hands. He attempted to swallow a third time but couldn't.

Ladonia and Sealand heard a loud thud and rushed to the stairs, catching sight of Sweden lying unconscious on the floor below with blood trickling down his face.

America raised his hamburger to his lips and took another bite. He looked at Canada's hamburger and noticed one of the pickles shifting around by itself underneath the bun. Canada didn't seem to notice and passed another hamburger to America, a pleading look on his face.

Ladonia and Sealand began to cry and leaned on each other for comfort.

America raised his third hamburger to his lips as tears streamed down his face for reasons that were unknown to him. He began to hear the sound of two children crying and felt concerned. Canada magically produced a fourth hamburger and pushed it toward America with force.

This proved to be America's breaking point. He cried and fell from his chair on to his knees.

"Please, Canada! We need to go across the street, there are children crying!"

"What are you talking about? I only hear laughter. Would you like another hamburger?"

America screamed and stumbled backwards, slipping out of the doorway and falling down the stairs. The journey down was quite painful, as he hit his head several times and felt his bones shake inside him. Fortunately, he made it to the bottom still conscious and was able to slowly stand up after his trauma.

"America..." Canada whispered loudly as he approached the top of the stairs. "I am your child..."

America would have laughed out loud at that statement, if it were not for his aching body and fading vision. Everything went dark and he felt around, laying his hand on something that felt warm and smelt meaty. He assumed it was his unfinished hamburger and raised it to his mouth to take a bite.

The light suddenly returned and America found himself falling rapidly, the concrete ground rushing up to meet him. He shut his eyes and clenched his teeth, bracing himself for the final impact, only to wake up in bed as if it were all just a terrible nightmare.

America's eye twitched involuntarily and he made out the figure of Canada standing over him, holding yet another hamburger.

"You must be hungry. Why don't you take this hamburger?"

America froze and stared hard at his brother while shaking in fear. He opened his mouth slowly, his lips quivering.

"Leave me alone! Quit fucking around with me!" He finally managed to scream, as he delivered a powerful kick to Canada's abdomen. Canada flew backwards without a sound and fell out of the bedroom window. He hit the ground with a stomach churning crunch, that could be heard at least three storeys up.

America got out of bed, panting heavily, and went to the window. He looked out and saw Canada lying on the pavement with blood all around him.

Later, America knelt beside Canada's twitching body and realized that his brother still had a bit of life left.

"Bro, I'm so sorry...I didn't mean to do that to you, I didn't! Please, please forgive me!" America begged as he burst into tears and began to sob.

"That's...okay, America. Before I die...I just want you to have my... my...hamburger..." Canada sighed, before closing his eyes.


End file.
